Choose An Officiant/Celebrant Wisely The rules for selecting an Officiant are not dramatically different than the rules for selecting any other wedding professional. You’ve already selected a coordinator, a photographer, a caterer, a venue, a bridal party and many other important people that will support you on your wedding day. Now you must choose the person who will stand with you at the most significant moment of your wedding day. Choose successfully with a little more information about how an Officiant thinks. Contact: Ric...

Rings and vows are among the most recognizable commitment ceremonies. I’ve seen couples tie knots in rope and exchange articles of clothing and other meaningful items as a way to convey their love for one another. The sand ceremony is just one of those ways to bring two people together in a matrimonial ceremony. Brad and Stephanie used all of these in their classy, semi-formal, elopement the day of their wedding. Their vows read like a passionate poem: Today, I give myself to you, My mind is clear,  And my commitment is clear… Sand was the medium of most importance to them. It made sense. Perched atop Spooner’s Cove in Montana de Oro, where the mountains meet the sand, they exchanged vows, rings and two kinds of sand, blended together in the same container. Something they will undoubtedly keep for years. The words of their sand ceremony read like this: Love is a force more formidable than any other. It cannot be seen or measured, yet it is powerful enough to transform you in a moment, and offer you more joy than any material possession ever could. They first poured each, their own sands. Then they combined their sands together: …this love joins you together as one, remember the gift of your individuality. Cherish and affirm your differences as you love each other.  Nothing could summarize true love more than this line; one that I will suggest for every couple needing vows: Be supportive of your strengths, and tender towards your weaknesses. Contact: Ric...

Marriage, like all communities, is best when it works sustainably. What is sustainability? A co-worker of mine once told me that he hoped his children would understand the need to “in-put” into life as much or more than they take out. I think that’s a great definition for sustainability: The choice to in-put the same amount or more than one removes from life. At its core, marriage is an agreement between two people. Unlike an agreement we make with a bank to repay a loan in full by a specific date, marriage doesn’t begin with specifics or fine print. Instead, we have to figure out what our marriage will require. We learn about marriage as we invest more and more in it. The longer you learn to love your partner the more you learn what questions to ask. Will you need to put extra time into creative gift-giving? Should you spend your time finishing the ten projects you’ve begun instead of promising your partner you’ll start and complete two more? No one really knows what their marriage will require of them until they’ve been married for a while. A sustainable marriage is one in which partners are conscious of their need to in-put as much or more than their partner, so that the marriage grows strong and vibrant. You may not always know if your spouse feels loved but you can always make the choice to in-put love, affection, warmth and generosity. These kinds of demonstrations produce the healthy soul of a long relationship. Investing warmth and generosity into a marriage might seem like a no-brainer for many couples. In reality, life is tough and your partner’s needs can be a mystery much of the time. We can easily acquire an unsustainable “me-first” focus. A “me” focus takes out of a marriage more than it puts in. It takes more time, more love, more security and more of the resources of the marriage than it is willing to “in-put.” Like a community of people who deplete the earth of natural resources on hand, an unsustainable marriage leaves the foundation of the marriage dry and eroded, lacking strength for hard times, and unable to produce love and affection day to day. Sustainable marriage is only possible when both parties involved believe that their greatest chance for happiness is “in-putting” those things that their partner needs, regardless of what they stand to gain on an individual basis. Like a verdant landscape that thrives on the gift of rain and sunshine, a marriage will grow strong and thrive through giving and receiving what it needs (and more!) from those invested in its long-term health.   Contact: Ric...

Your wedding will not be cheap! I’m sorry. It’s just not possible. If you’re like 99% of couples you’ll need to cut some wedding-costs. Here are a few tips to save you some honeymoon-bucks just in the cake arena. 1. Wedding Cake-Cut If no one has told you yet, most wedding cakes stink! You’ll pay a fortune for a flavorless, over frosted, calorie bomb and have nothing but love-handles to show for it. Consider passing on the official wedding cake and heading to your local big box store (i.e. COSTCO or SAM’s CLUB) to purchase multiple, cheaper and frequently more satisfying cakes. Like the rest of your wedding, you’ll save money if you can buy in bulk. 2. Groom, Bride,…baker? Your friends and family are typically looking for ways to make your special day awesome. Consider, along with address-writing, bow tying and dress shopping, asking your wedding invitees to bake wedding cakes. Not one-hundred different cakes but 100 chocolate lave-cakes, or a few dozen karat cakes or even a couple thousand cupcakes. Let your loved ones do the labor while making memories. 3. No Cake is better than Bad Cake It’s true, cake is kinda the go-to but there are other delectable wedding options that are also cheaper (and better). Try berries and cream. Serve them layered with whipped cream, in an attractive fountain glass. Try an off-color desert like “Dirt Cake:” ground Oreos, cream cheese-whipped topping, layered in a glass dish at each table, served family-style. How about a mixed truffle plate for every guests and an attractive “cake table” with multiple tiers of truffles near the head table. 4. The Non-Conformist Appetizer receptions are increasingly popular and cost effective. With this mind-set, add in an additional course, featuring multiple-stations of homemade deserts. Have your bridesmaids create the menu and source it out to your friends and family. 5. O’l Favs Ice cream sundays, banana splits, and chocolate Sundays bring back the nostalgia that’s just below the surface of every wedding. People want to associate the present good times with past memories. Why not feed those old memories with new experiences and old favorite sweet treats while passing on the overpriced wedding cake.   Contact: Ric...

“Blustery” is the only word to describe this early winter wedding experience. An elopement, high atop the cliffs of a rugged central coast (CA) bluff. A young couple caught up in the winds of love and only a few of us to witness the occasion. Amazing in so many ways! Lena and Raleigh were as striking as the wind swept landscape and filled with more life than the ragged, ocean point setting. Her flower wreath was almost blown into the sea but not before they exchanged vows high above the crashing waves of the small cove below. These two wonderful people have embraced a life of adventure and started down a daring and confident path as one. The afternoon was a poignant reminder that less is frequently more especially when a bride and groom let Mother Nature do the heavy lifting, while leaving out the over-blown extravagance of the typical American wedding affair. To Book Ric Latendresse:  ...

It is not uncommon for a couple to attend five or more sessions of marriage counseling prior to getting married. However, before making the commitment of time and money to this endeavor be sure you understand what you’re getting into. Misconceptions abound with regard to premarital counseling. They range from the belief that a future spouse’s inappropriate behavior might be flushed out and exposed, with a tearful confession to follow. It might be one couple’s desire that the other change their behavior through the use of a third-party “expert.” Sometimes couples simply believe it’s a good thing to do but don’t know why. Though many couples enter counseling well intentioned it is not a sure fire way to prevent marital discord or divorce and it might even make things worse for the couple initially. Counseling is a high impact event. It pushes a couple to think and talk about topics that are typically not a part of everyday discussion: sex, family relationships, future goals and expectations, past events, financial struggles and the like. Traditional Psychoanalytic Therapists and counselors draw out the bad in a relationship with the idea that if exposed, these things can be resolved through discussion and moderate behavior change. Each couple’s ability to discuss, confront and change ingrained behaviors differs from couple to couple. There is another form of counseling that focuses on expectations and goal setting. In these types of meetings a couple’s “dirty past” and present insecurities are left alone. Instead the counselor serves as a “coach” trying to draw out each individual’s thoughts and goals. Similar topics are discussed: love, sex, finances and family, but the discussion occurs without negative or positive commentary. Knowing each other’s goals helps the counselor create a road map for where they’d like to go as a couple. Beyond the more personal or existential reasons for premarital counseling, some states (i.e. Texas) offer a free or discounted rate for marriage license if a couple completes premarital counseling with a certified counselor. (Couples should check with the county clerk in which they intend to be wed for specifics.) Premarital counseling is a requirement of some religious organizations such as the Catholic Church. In these cases, it tends to be less psychological and more religious education for the purpose of membership in a church prior to marriage. Pre-marital counseling is becoming more accessible through standard healthcare. In some cases, a healthcare policy will cover up to 5 sessions of mental healthy which may or may not include marriage counseling. Usually, this form of counseling comes at a reduced rate. Sometimes local religious leaders will provide it for free but most charge a small fee ($50 per session). Marriage counseling is never a bad idea. Why? Because...