Couple Horrified to Discover Marriage Requires Sharing
After living for years as single people, the newly wedded Todd and Jennifer Starkey were horrified to discover that marriage often times requires sharing.
“This is no ordinary sharing!” said Mr. Starkey, his bride wincing at his side. “This is the kind of sharing that makes you want to just, I don’t know, walk out on the whole thing!”
Mrs. Starkey seemed to be suffering from a kind of post-wedding-stress-disorder (PWSD). She held the upper portion of Mr. Starkey’s arm periodically shaking it like a tree limb throughout the entirety of the interview.
“Had I known this was what marriage was all about, Todd and I probably would have kept our own places and just dated forever. Can you believe couples actually knowingly choose this kind of situation? It’s intolerable. And wrong!” said the beguiled bride.
Marital sharing has been on the decline for decades. This lack of sharing has created an opposite effect among teens and pre-teens. Within this demographic, sharing with others is on the rise. A recent pole taken in the territory of Puerto Rico unearthed a trend among youngsters who are choosing to give away many of their belongings, having recognized their older, more selfish peers tend to horde possessions even when others may benefit from them. Christof Spielding, a prominent marriage psychologist and frequenter of the Single’s Bar said, “If marriage must be the inevitable end of your unmarried life then certain pre-nuptial agreements should be firmed up prior to signing on the ‘dotted line’.” The Single’s Bar is a popular hang out known for its rampant patronization by selfish, self indulgent, singles in their mid-thirties who hope never to marry.
Dr. Spielding strongly urges all couples to have “a few things” they can keep to themselves even if they should choose to marry. “These things,” he says, “are the way by which an individual might assert and re-assert their autonomy” if the couple happens to disagree. “Making sure your significant other knows which objects in the home (i.e. closet space, vanity and/or specific chair) are ‘mine’ vs. ‘yours’ will bring a speedy end to most disagreements. Spielding went on to say that even in times when the couple is agreeing to share temporarily, writing the owner’s name with a Sharpie on various objects can help to clarify whose stuff is whose.
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